i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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