She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
