I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.