Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
