I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize