After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
