Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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