I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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