there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
