I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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