Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
