My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
