His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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