Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
