Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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