So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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