Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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