help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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