On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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