his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
