Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
