it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
