There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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