how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
