I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
