There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
