I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
