My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize