Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
