It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
