fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
