It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
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They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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