I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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