he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
