I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
