my mouth tastes like poor choices
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
