Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
