Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
