new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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