The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
