At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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