All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize