how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
