hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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