Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
