im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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