ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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