she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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