And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
