I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
