If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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