when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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