so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
