remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
