Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have feelings that need drinking.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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