I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
