If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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