Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
