I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
