dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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