I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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