my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
