your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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