I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
