Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
