so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
