did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
