I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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