A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize