Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
