Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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