the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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