well I can't set my house on fire every night
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
