'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
