He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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