in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
