id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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