you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
