is your mom at the bar?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
