But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
