So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
