Non-Jews are for practice
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
