what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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