Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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